Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
