we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
