I CAN MOONWALK!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
You made out with two different species that night
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
