no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
