if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
