I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
