True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
my shit smells like andre
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
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