Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
