The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
