Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
