I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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