so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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