I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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