Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
