Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
