why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Randomize
