I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
