Already got asked if we're dating
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Randomize
