I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
