ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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