he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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