you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
