If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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