He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
