she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
COCAINE IS GR8
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
