it hurts more in the daytime
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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