I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
