He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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