So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
