Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
