every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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