My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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