I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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