She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
