Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
