Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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