you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
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we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
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My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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