oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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