they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
