Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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