I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
