you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
