i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
