pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
