stop calling my apartment porn island.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
