Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
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Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
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pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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