Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
