John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize