He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize