he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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