Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
