Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
