You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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