It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
