I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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