Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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