So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Randomize