Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
