What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
