Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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