they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
