I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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