Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Is it penis luge time yet?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
