All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
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