Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
