is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
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