I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
