I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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