You smell like a Billy Joel song
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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