Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
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He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
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Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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