It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
