I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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