I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
