I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize
