I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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