Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wish you could order shots online.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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