I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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