am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
