My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Your penis caused this!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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